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i'm normally a landfill for murphy's law, the dumping ground for every idiodic atrocity that you could possibly conjure up in the limitless possibilities of infinite parallel universes. and let's be honest - you've all been through a lot of shit. your imaginations are vastly superior to any hired OCD disaster-preparation minion who ever worked in national government.
let's start with why i'm even here. irl.
if ever you find yourself in the "backwoods" of pennsylvania, you too will wonder just what the hell you did that was so horribly unforgivable in your past life to have to occupy the same eyespace as drooling retards, walleyed inbreds, toothless pedophiles, sloppy bitches, and unemployable dick-scratchers. i am mired in the one pennsylvanian locale with the highest incidence of sexual and domestic abuse in the entire state. in fact, the economy of this "city" is so fragile that the closing of just one completely useless business would result in a fallout of hundreds of thousands of tax dollars in relief to keep the kids in mcdoubles and the adults in an ever-flowing fountain of warm natural light to douse the cherries of their cheap, unfiltered cigarettes.
i spent the majority of my life (all but these past few unendurable months) in the biggest, most progressive cities of the midwest. wine bars and european bakeries as far as the eye could see. streets filled with marathon runners instead of barefoot children in caked-on dirt. academic conferences could be found within 20 miles on nearly any day of the week. here, the "satellite campus" that services young adults in their higher-education needs is nothing but a slew of red capes and sparkle dust to somehow magically transform the mouth-breathers of the surrounding areas into entry-level morons.
i am convinced that there is semen in the water supply; i am the only 22 year-old woman around who isn't waddling along with a gaggle of five or more FAS babies tottering behind me. in fact, condoms have always been free in every single other metropolitan statistical area i have ever lived. somehow the motor skill mastery required to be able to use these evil latex contraptions has been lost to the masses of more stupid and more lazy generations here.
i do not doubt that this area is an anomaly. this kind of self-satisfied squalor doesn't even make its way into glorified bleeding-heart propaganda film.
i am currently completing an internship for a cigarette manufacturing company. i made the mistake of believing that slapping together a cost function for the business would be an easy stack of college credit. what i have unfortunately miscalculated is the fact that every single person i work with is an incompetent asshole which would strike the fear of god into every degree-granting institution if only they knew just how lazy and futile "important" people like controllers and accountants can truly be (and be allowed to co-habitate amongst "normies" without quarantine in locked and padded cells).
my superior is a special treat. there is so much to dissect and disseminate that it nearly drives me to a state of insane giddiness.
i arranged to rent out a bedroom in my superior's home, which has turned out to be simultaneously the smartest and most dumb decision i have made this summer. on the one hand, i can put head to pillow without the fear of rape from streetwalkers or other inhabitants of the home - this is important to acknowledge, given the area of residence and the frequency of such an act. on the other hand, it has allowed me a very intimate view into the realm of all of the things that my superior could possibly do to piss me off outside of work.
within the first couple weeks of my living with my superior, i got introduced to a 29 year-old meat head who has been allowed to keep his POS fraudulent muscle car in a space in her garage for the only reason that he has procreated a daughter to fill the heart's content of my frigid superior. sometimes the screams that can be heard from her now closed baby-box are so deafening that animals can be seen skittering and scampering from the residence every time her footsteps approach the house. my superior drags me out to introduce me to "anthony," who embodies the worst parts of the italian and body-building cultures (the latter only embodying bad things; the worst of this is nearly incomprehensible). after a bouncy car ride (keeping one's eyes on the road would be helpful to not piss off those with neuroses), anthony texts my superior that he thinks her intern is "hot," and would she hook him up with a girl he has no business seeing considering that his divorce is not yet final.
this was the end of the "anthony saga" in my superior's life.
one of the more annoying aspects of my superior's ill-constructed psyche is that she is horrendously jealous of any woman who takes the attention of a man from her to themselves. if a man walks into a room, my superior wholly believes that he should be turning his head to look at a saggy, tired, anaemic-looking 50 year-old hag with one foot in the grave. even if i was completely unattractive, it would stand to reason that the majority of men polled - if they were so polled - would inevitably choose to see me naked as opposed to my superior, if only for the reason that gravity has been much more kind to a 22 year-old woman than a 50-year old woman who has birthed two children. this concept, though nearly intuitive in its ability to be understood, utterly baffles my superior. and from this moment on, an angry superior has prevented her little meatheadded friend from returning to the property to store his mobile junkyard.
it has been made know that my running into her ex husband has been ill-received, even though the town has a total population of maybe a couple hundred people (based on simple probability and statistics, one would assume that running into every person in the town would be an inevitability over time; apparently, this is not a concept that is taught in MBA school). she has been caught in conversation to have said in front of me "maybe rusty will love me again if he sees how i'm taking care of you," and "i still think about how nice rusty's ass is." such comments have driven me to horrified alienation; such acts have confused her as to why i spend so much time in my room with the door closed.
to overcompensate for her neurotic paranoia and otherwise unresolved feelings of self-loathing, insecurity, and co-dependency, she insists on instigating wars of passive-aggressive commands and insults in the workplace. my superior will approach me in a panicked frenzy bitching at me how she needs some spreadsheet or piece of information yesterday. whilst she is pretending to be angry with me for not having submitted something that she has never previously asked for, i stop what i'm working on and compile her necessary bullshit in such a manner that by the time she's satisfied with her little rant towards me, what she's requested is sitting neatly in her inbox. it amuses me that her futile attempts to muscle her higher rank around are nothing but, comically enough, futile.
in a matter of just a few short months, i have managed to convince the owners that not only am i more qualified than my superior, but i am younger, faster, less error-prone, and have less than half the education she claims to have. i have worked myself into a place of indispensability where my wage rivals that of hers. patience has fruited the buds that were her mistakes, now completely naked and visible as we lie in the midst of an audit. the whole accounting department is on the on the verge of unemployment.
if i were alone in my feelings towards my superior, i would probably question their validity. however, my superior freely (and with heavy ignorance) expresses to me all of the employees who think she's a "bitch" and "have it in" for her. her attitude is so incorrigible that the owners have started asking around as to why her appearance is so prickled. my "now i'm just the intern, i can't say," shtick has worked out beautifully; by being guarded with what i share, i have projected an image which entrusts a quiet, obedient girl almost completely unwilling to say anything that might throw anyone under the bus in the slightest. my true intentions could not be farther from the truth.
i'll give this time to digest. the vents of anger flow freely in these parts, and while most "normal people" will tell you that anger is completely unhealthy, unacceptable, and intolerable, i believe that anger is just potential energy begging to be trained and channeled for positive gains. i hope to meet some of you on this endeavor.
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Originally Posted by Strife 
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