Hilarious links thread

[Rudi]

Do we have one of these? Anyway, here's the first contribution.

http://www.cracked.com/article_15212...wrestling.html

The 8 Most Insane Moments in Professional Wrestling. This includes that hilarious story I was talking about at Tom's:

They say only the good die young, but then, they're forgetting about wrestlers whose hard lifestyles lead to early cardiac arrests. But, speaking of arrests, the late prison guard/wrestler Big Boss Man took his heelish tactics so far across the line into over-the-top cartoonish supervillainy in his feud with the Big Show that he will live forever in the hearts of wrestling fans.

When it became known that the Big Show' father was terminally ill, the Boss Man turned it to his advantage by having a fake cop inform his opponent that his father had died, thus winning a match by forfeit.


Soon after, Big Show's father really did die... and that's when the Big Show/Boss Man feud became equal mixtures of completely awesome and totally insane. The Boss Man upped the ante by crashing the funeral, running down Big Show with a police car, then tearing all over the cemetery with the grieving giant clinging to his father's casket chained to his trailer hitch.


If ever a scene deserved to be sped up and set to the Benny Hill theme, this is probably it.

And, though the feud would never get as spectacularly crazy as dragging the casket of a man's father's corpse around a cemetary in the Bluesmobile with the bereaved clinging onto it for dear life, we swear to God, it still managed to get worse. Boss Man followed up his funeral crashing with an impromptu performance on live television holding the Big Show's father's golden watch, which he'd bequeathed to his son as a family legacy. The Boss Man smashed it to powder on an anvil:


Then, during a frank interview with Big Show's mother on live television via a satellite feed (apparently she hadn't been paying attention at the funeral, as she never questioned the Big Boss Man's press credentials), he grilled the poor woman until she tearfully admitted Big Show's illegitimacy.


Having gotten the dirty truth from the teary-eyed widow, Boss Man spun around triumphantly to the camera and stated for the record: "The Big Show is a dirty bastard, and his Momma said so."

The Big Show/Boss Man feud has rightfully entered wrestling lore for the fact that not once, from the start of the feud to its conclusion weeks later, did it fail to be ravenously, dog-barkingly insane. Seriously, even when Big Show finally beat the Boss Man in a wrestling ring weeks later, did he really come out of this ahead? After a dude's desecrated your father's corpse, destroyed every possession he bequeathed you in his will, then proved your bastardry on live TV, it's a little hard to consider it just punishment to give the guy a chokeslam and get a fake gold belt for your trouble.

[wally funk]

for the record, i hope to fucking christ Boss Man was arrested on charges of being a cunt.

[Rudi]

http://news.windingroad.com/etc/13183/

just look at that photo.

[slim]

Why would you want your vehicle to have a scrotum.

[Rudi]

Excellent question, Jimmy. Perhaps Goat can shed some light on the subject, he's weird.

[Rudi]

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28784

Whilst reading, keep in mind it was written in early 2001.

[Hard Justice Stan]

Oh man, that's hilarious.

[Strife]

Nice one, Reds.

[Hard Justice Stan]

http://www.realfooty.com.au/news/new...258739469.html

HAWTHORN has been tagged with playing unsociable football, but it seems that last weekend, the approach might have spilt off the field, with the coach and best player both involved in unedifying incidents.

Hours after his coach Alastair Clarkson's expletive-laden outburst at a Hobart sports reporter in front of cameras at the conclusion of his press conference, star forward Lance Franklin was thrown out of a city nightclub after an altercation with a female patron and a Collingwood footballer.

At the conclusion of his press conference on Saturday, Clarkson berated a local newspaper reporter for, in that morning's papers, having queried whether a couple of Hawks would play, given they had not trained. They played and Clarkson sought an apology.

Later that night, Franklin was ejected from the CQ nightclub in Melbourne after an incident involving several patrons.

One of them, Amber Harding, said she approached Franklin and teammate Jarryd Roughead with a girlfriend for a photograph. She said Franklin was initially polite but when the camera did not work, she asked a second time for a picture using her mobile phone.

"He said, 'How about a pash?' and him and Jarryd had a big laugh and high fives and whatever. I laughed that off and thought, 'Yeah, whatever', and I said to him, 'In all seriousness, is it OK if my girlfriend gets a photo? We will try with a camera phone this time' and he just looked at me and said, 'Can I f--- you?'," Harding alleged.

The 24-year-old from Frankston works for a pharmaceutical company, has been in a long-term relationship and was highly offended at the alleged comment, telling Franklin so in similarly frank terms.

"I was so disgusted. I was highly offended about being spoken to like that — I am not just some piece of meat and I certainly was not dressed like a piece of meat to be spoken to like that. I was not inviting that sort of attention," she said.

Harding said she returned to her group of friends, one of whom was talking to a friend who plays at another AFL club, whom Channel Nine's Footy Classified last night said was Collingwood's John Anthony.

Soon afterwards, when Franklin walked past the group, Harding said Anthony put his hand out to greet Franklin and was rebuffed.

Harding said Franklin tried to push Anthony then threw the contents of his drink over the group as he again clashed with Anthony before being restrained and ejected from the nightclub by several bouncers.

Hawthorn last night said Franklin had been ejected from the nightclub, but that management of the club had apologised to him after having done so and that he left and went home.

There was said to be confusion about the events that led to him being removed from the club.

On the Clarkson outburst, Hawks chief executive Ian Robson said he was disappointed in the incident and that the coach would acknowledge his error of timing and tact this week. "Alastair is disappointed himself, we are disappointed. We are disappointed we didn't win the game, and we are disappointed if in any way this creates the proposition we don't have a positive working relationship with the media because we do," Robson said.

[Hard Justice Stan]

Woah. Age journalist Greg Baum gives Clarko the mother of all sprays over Clarko's treatment of that Tasmanian journalist in the last article. I haven't heard the Clarko spray, but this is obviously a parody of that to some extent.

Giving Clarkson some advice to swear by
Greg Baum | June 3, 2008
The Age

Here's a little bit of guidance for the Hawthorn coach in the way he dished it out to a Tasmanian reporter at the weekend.

CLOSE this paper for a moment, will you? Closed? Good. Now, listen up, you f---ing little prick. You going to apologise now for that crap on Saturday? Are you? Well? WELL?

You f---.

Don't give me any of that s--- about the integrity of the club. And if you say anything about "family club", I'll puke.

You a---hole.

You want me to tell you what this is all about? F--- me: as if you don't know. You turn up in Launceston with two players under injury clouds. One, Jordan Lewis, hardly trains. The other, Brad Sewell, leaves the training track early. The two emergencies train. Remember?

Brett Stubbs writes about this in Hobart's Mercury newspaper. Want me to read it to you again? "Like a secret agent in a paperback novel, Hawthorn coach Alastair Clarkson thrives on cloak and dagger secrecy. Asked if Jordan Lewis was fully fit to return from a thigh injury for today's blockbuster against the Western Bulldogs at Aurora Stadium, Clarkson barked back: 'Well we picked him.' "

The headline read: "Cagey Clarkson".

And so you give him a dirty great gobful. For that? For writing what any reporter worth his salt would have written in the circumstances? For writing exactly what happened?

F---ing hell.

Don't give that look, you piece of s---. Oh, so he was supposed to take you at your word, was he? Like last year, when he took the club at its word that a certain player would play, and he didn't. Then it happened again. "Cagey Clarkson"? More like clueless Clarkson if you ask me. Or crap-artist Clarkson.

No, I'm not done. You've got form, fella. A couple of times at least. What is it with you? Bit hot in the kitchen, is it? Can't handle it? Well I'm telling you: people are watching. People at your own club. And they're not happy.

You've got a bit to learn, you know. It might have been OK once for coaches to carry on like schoolyard bullies. But times have changed. You guys crap on all the time now about professionalism and respect — and then you pull a stunt like that.

F--- me dead.

Frankly, it amazes me that you'd even bother. I would have thought that having lost your first match this season, you'd have lots of other things to worry about than bawling out a reporter on the local paper. Like winning next week.

Pre-season, I wrote a column complaining about the secrecy and paranoia of footy clubs. Yours was one. I was roundly taken to task by some fans for being so precious. Fair enough. Who's bloody well precious now?

And what about the last time you were in Launceston, a few weeks ago, and Mark Williams made that choking gesture. You gave us that little family club speech about being "humble and gracious", how it was "not in line with how we like to go about our footy" and how Williams had better apologise. Looks a bit f---ing sanctimonious now, don't you think?

Or maybe doing the butter-wouldn't-melt-in-your-mouth act while the cameras and tape recorders are on and then tipping a foul-mouthed bucket of invective on a reporter as soon as they're switched off is how you like to go about your footy at the family club?

Just remind me not to be around the next time a reporter actually gets something wrong.

You've got to think about what's at stake here. You've got a good team, and it's going places. It's an exciting time for the club. You want to p--- it all up against the wall? Yeah, the media is a pest, and doesn't really matter, and media relations won't win you a premiership. But they might lose you one, if you keep this up. It's a distraction for everyone.

Now get the f--- out of here. And open that newspaper on your way out.